We officially boarded our third and last flight to get from Florida to Maui, and the excitement of traveling suddenly turned into worry as we’re standing line to board the plane. The feeling of ‘what ifs’ come flashing by. That feeling you get where you honestly don’t know, if this is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done, or if this is the beginning of something truly amazing. I tell my husband, who’s sitting by my side and he gives me some words of encouragement. “I’m pretty sure this isn’t the dumbest thing you’ve done so far”. And I know he’s probably right. But what if he’s wrong. What if for some crazy reason my husband and kids step off this plane, and look at me wondering what the hell I was thinking when I convinced everyone that this was a good idea.
We got rid of all our belongings, everything we had (everything that didn’t fit in our suitcases), sold our beautiful farm home, left family and people we loved behind for this.
I know this feeling, it’s not something that happens often, but it’s a feeling you never forget. It’s the same feeling I got when I made a lifelong promise and married the love of my life. The one when I finally saw those two pink lines appear on that pregnancy test. The feelings that came rushing by moments before becoming a mother.
It’s with those big life moments that you don’t know what exactly will happen, but your heart tells you it will be worth it and was meant to be part of your life, and somehow you leave all sense of doubt behind and take the leap to do something that’s scary and you trust that in the end, it will work out exactly how it should.
If you know me, you know that I’m a very calculated person. I think it’s a big part of why I have always enjoyed the business side of things. I can make my decisions based on facts and data, but I also know that there comes a time where you just have to allow yourself to explore past what you thought was possible.
If you had told me a year ago that I would be moving to Maui in 12 months, I would have laughed. Last June I was hired to shoot a wedding in Hawaii, and over those seven days, I fell in love with so many aspects of being in Hawaii. I joked with my husband about moving there but knew that idea was just me daydreaming, until one day, it wasn’t such a dream anymore. And now, less than a year later I’m here, sitting on a plane on our way to Maui, with the love of my life, and two beautiful children.
None of that would have happened had I not allowed myself to dream a little. To wonder not so much about what if I fail, but what if I’ll do just fine?! What if I do better than fine? What if this helped me connect to more things that I loved. After a while, those crazy dreams we have, don’t seem so crazy after all.
I started this post to document my feelings at the moment. I don’t know how I will feel in a week, or 6 months. This will either be the dumbest thing I’ve done so far, or this will be the start of something amazing. Of course, I hope that things will turn out how I had it in my head, but it’s also important to think about what I’ll do if it doesn’t. What if it is, the worst idea I’ve had yet?
So let’s go down the path of this possibly being the worst decision of my life. What then? How will I handle it then? Same as every other bad idea I’ve ever been part of in the past.
You see the thing with these ‘bad decisions’ is that it came from an active decision to make a choice. I decided that I wanted to get rid of everything I had and move to an island in the middle of the Pacific. And if for whatever reason a year passes us by and I think that this was indeed not a good idea then I will write it off as an incredible year-long vacation. One that will be followed by another choice to make a change. That’s the most important thing to remember; If you don’t like something, then change it. If you don’t like the direction you’re going in, stop walking, turn into another direction and start walking again.
You’re always one decision away from an entirely different life. The choice is always ours to make.
I know that when I’m looking back on my life, I would have rather have stories to tell of that one time we sold everything and moved to Hawaii, than regret not having any stories to tell at all.
If I figured it all out today, what would be the point of tomorrow? I’m choosing to fall in love with the process of not always having everything figured out and enjoying the in-between moments. Life is not about always knowing what’s next, but enjoying the path, we choose to travel on.